Have you ever experienced the feeling like you are living your life all over again – being in a relationship that seems way too similar to your past one or maybe struggling with finances in a way you remember your parents used to struggle when you were growing up?
Or do you remember those times when a song comes on the radio while you are driving and all the sudden the only thing you can think of is the break-up you went through 3 years ago?
Or you are watching your favorite serial on TV, or let’s be more realistic on Netflix and the upcoming scene is just like they cut it out from your life and for the rest of the day that is the only thing you can think of?
Whatever circumstances you have been through in your life they helped you to form your beliefs you are living with in this moment. They created the reality you are living and breathing on daily basis.
Let’s make this clear – holding onto a past doesn’t serve anyone. Whatever happened in the past we can’t change.
I know it is easier said than done.
It is also not about pushing your past to the side line if there are events that still trigger you now. Whatever you push aside it will chase you down, especially if it still evokes emotions inside you.
Can you imagine putting a plaster on an open wound? The plaster will sooner or later come off and there might be dirt getting into your wound which will make it even worse, right?
This “pushing aside” and ignoring our past and our feelings is often what causes us developing mental health issues like anxiety, depression, PTSD just to name a few.
As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety for years, I would love to invite you to look at your past closely. Look at these events and situations that are still sore and painful as that is the only way you can start your healing journey.
You can’t change the steps you took, the ways you behaved, the way you talked to people or maybe regret steps you didn’t take.
What you can do though, is to forgive yourself and change your beliefs.
Forgiveness frees us. It heals your body, your mind and your soul.
Changing your beliefs helps you to connect fully with the inner you, who has been with you from the day you were born.
Maybe you have been hurt in the past by someone who meant the world to you and you keep holding on this hate, anger and pain even now after years went by. It is harder to forgive someone else and you might have this chatter happening in your head “How could he/she/them..”.
It is not about accepting their behavior or finding ways to think that it was OK to do what they did. It is about finding compassion for those people. It is about realizing that they did their best with the resources they had.
We all have been down through our own paths and we all live in our own timelines.
You have the power within you to heal and here are the steps I took myself to start living in the present moment to enjoy the NOW and look forward to what will happen and cherish my past.
Step 1: Be open to feel the pain
Yes, I know it hurts and you don’t want to feel that way anymore. Close your eyes and imagine the event or situation that triggers you or evokes emotions in you. Feel the pain through your body.
Where does it hurt? Where do you feel the pain?
In your heart, in your gut, in your throat? Acknowledge it and put both of your hands on the area and say “Life loves me”.
Just a note: To make this effective while you are saying “Life loves me” and thinking this is not true – think of an event or anything from your past that will prove to you that life truly loves you. Think of anything good that happened to you in the past, for instance, your past holiday, this memory of your friends, the walk you had the other day. I know how hard it can be to think of anything good that happened in the past but trust me it is there within you.
Practise this as often as you need to. You might be feeling tightness inside you at first but the more you practise this more open you become to the abundance this world is offering you.
Step 2: Accept yourself with all your imperfections
This is not about your ego. This is about you realizing that everything you have been through created the you who you are today. Feel the gratitude through your body. Cry if you need to. You are not ahead, not behind you are right where you are supposed to be.
The beliefs you have at the moment has been mostly created by society, your family, friends and people you have met along the way.
Do you not like the reality you are experiencing right now?
Change your beliefs.
Step 3: Think of your vision or create one
What are your wildest dreams? What would you be doing today if your past vanished?
Grab your pen and paper and start awaking this amazing creative side of yours. Draw it, write it or record yourself on a video and come back to it whenever you need to.
Step 4: Watch out your language
How do you talk to yourself on a daily basis?
From my own experience just talking positively to me wasn’t helping as at the back of my mind I was still a failure. I still kept feeling sorry for myself and experienced arguments in my mind that kept distracting me from moving forward.
Start talking to yourself to like a friend, for instance, if your name is Sarah say “Sarah you look amazing today” or “Sarah life loves you”. There were studies done that proved that talking to yourself in a third person works and motivates us to change our behavior and act differently.
You wouldn’t go to a friend and say “You are a failure” so why would you keep saying that to yourself?
Step 5: Talk to yourself
I just really want to point this one out. I don’t care if you talk to yourself in your head or out loud. Start this conversation with yourself – with your own mind. Again, you can start talking to yourself in a third person “Sarah what would spark the joy inside you today?”.
If you find yourself stuck back in “old waters” ask yourself “How is staying stuck in here serving me in my life right now?” or “How is holding on this past event/situation serving me now?”
Step 6: Live in the NOW
Pause for a moment and become aware of what is happening around you.
Can you hear birds singing outside?
I know you might be like “What are you talking about? I can hear the noise from my neighbors and it is irritating!”. Well done! You just managed to pause and get aware of what is going on around you.
Look around you.
What can you smell?
What can you taste in your mouth right now?
What can you touch?
Use all your senses to get into your present moment and do it as often as you need during your day.
Step 7: Be consistent & remember everything is figureoutable – stick with whatever works for you now
It can be those small changes that will make a big impact on your life.
Living in the past will keep you stuck. Living in the future and keep dreaming on a daily basis with keep you stuck living in your dream world.
To start living in the present is a choice and you are choosing every single day.
You are here for a reason. You are in this world to make a difference and just by taking the action today, any action you are already making a difference to this world.
Don’t forget to cherish yourself and celebrate every single step of your way.
Did you get up 5 minutes earlier today to stretch? That is amazing! Celebrate it!
You were given your life to live fully and you were given your past to learn from it.
Allow yourself to be the student of life.