Learn to ask for what you want

4 Steps: Ask for what you want

The smoothie bowl story

It was one of the September mornings when I was staying at my parents’ house. I usually make a breakfast smoothie for my mum and myself but that morning I just decided to have a breakfast roll.

I know what a treat.

My mum got up a bit later and could see I was after breakfast already. I automatically asked her “Would you like your smoothie?”, but she said “Hmm, no it’s okay I can see you have had your breakfast already.”

Which only led me to one question:

“Why don’t you ask for what you really want and need?”

Why do you tend to say “no” or stay quiet instead of asking? 

Are you scared of the reaction of the other person?

Are you worried of rejection?

Studies shows that our biggest fear rooted deep inside us is fear of rejection. Or when asking for help the fear of bothering someone.

I myself remember the time when just the idea of asking someone for help made me feel anxious and I even found hard to breathe. 

You have been conditioned by society, your family, friends, media and people you have met along the way – this is what created the belief system you live with right now and also the way you see yourself as a human. This is the reason why some people are okay with asking for a help or for what they want and some are finding it hard.

In order to change the way you react at these situations, you need to look inside you.

Raise your self-worth as what you think of yourself reflects right back onto all areas of your life. You need to know that you deserve. You need to believe deep inside that you deserve – whatever it’s for you in your given moment.

Is it a help from someone? Is it asking for a pay raise at work? Is it asking your partner to help you with dinner?

Step 1 Get clear – What is standing in your way?

What is the chatter that comes to your mind when you imagine to be having the conversation and asking for what you want/need? What are you afraid of?

Write down everything that comes to your mind.

Maybe it’s the fear of hearing “no”, or you don’t want to bother anyone. You might think you don’t deserve help or you think “Come on, who would ever give me a pay raise?”.

Step 2 Get to the root

Why am I thinking that? Where does it come from?

Look at your past. Have there been any situations that created that belief inside you?

Maybe you asked for help in the past and got rejected or you grew up in a family where you always had to do everything yourself, kind of being that little girl with big grow up pants.

Or

You are scared to ask for a pay raise at work because deep inside you don’t believe you deserve more money as your family never had much.

Step 3 Empower

Once you get to the root of your fear you can change it and rewrite it and empower yourself with affirmations that can support you along the way.

Example:

“I am worthy of all that I desire.”

“I am capable of asking for what I need and want now.”

This is a way of creating powerful affirmations that sticks with you as you have done the deep work and found the root first. Well done!

Write them down somewhere visible so you can see them daily

Step 4 Love yourself & Just do it!

Your fears are not real!

It’s just an image in your head that looks, feels real but it’s not. Face it, acknowledge it and take the power that it has over you away, because you deserve more!

Reprogramming your mind takes time, just like losing weight or flying from one country to another.

Be patient & just go and do it!

I went and asked my mum why she said “no” even though I know she wants her smoothie. She said “I just didn’t want to bother you” so I went and made her one and told her “Next time just ask for what you want.”


2 thoughts on “Learn to ask for what you want

  1. Awww, so true!! I needed to learn to ask, I’m on the way to asking more and more, and not just from others, also from myself!
    So far, I got great stuff lately just by sharing my needs and also asking for help. It can be hard at times, but just as everything is about pushing the limits. Great post Klara!

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