Starting a business
Side hustle: Depression & anxiety
How did I managed to start 3 different businesses in a space of 2 years while juggling depression and anxiety?
I had a dream greater than me.
I had a past that was holding me back.
I had courage to break though & heal!
Okay, let me put you in a perspective a little. Sitting here right now sipping on my herbal tea and looking 2 years back, I would never imagine myself living back at home in Czechia and being a full-time coach and helping women around the globe to live their best life.
Things sometimes happen unexpectedly and in time we feel like “Why is this happening to me?” to look back later and say “Now, it all makes sense.”
I left my 9 to 5 job at the end of 2016 and went off to travel around Asia with my sister before we would settle back in our new place in the UK.
I found a great job before we got back and it seemed just too good to be truth you know?
And this move back was actually a start of something so much deeper than I could have ever imagined.
I left this great job I thought I had after the first 3 days. I went through 7 (even more) job trials and interviews after that in a space of 5 weeks. I was drained and exhausted as deeply inside I knew I don’t want to work for anyone else anymore.
I had a dream with my sister to open our own cafe as we both have always been passionate about working in hospitality and about coffee.
One night after having a few drinks with my sister and some friends we talked about it and one of our friends told us “Open something mobile for now at least, it’s easier”.
And I remember very clearly talking to my sister after this telling her if she agrees and is up for it I’m all in and we will make it happen.
And so we did!
We were up and running in 3 months! What we managed to do in such a short space of time still amaze me now – writing a business plan, getting a loan, finding a van, getting all appliances etc.
Our excitement was soon replaced with “Whoopsie, this will be probably more complicated than we expected and harder than we could ever imagine!”.
We were struggling to make money to pay rent to actually live and have food to eat. I remember constantly trying to find the perfect place for our van to be able to be open every day.
I remember neediness, pushing and striving!
All this struggle and hustle brought me into such a dark space.
I was a mess after 2 months of opening our business.
I was constantly anxious about the end of each month. There was this neediness and anger inside me , like “This is my dream, why is it not working out!?!”
I was living like this for months. At this point me and my sister, we also started to work on our social media idea – doing courses, learning and studying social media. We knew we needed to find another way of making an income and this sounded like a great thing to do that we could enjoy.
Around Christmas 2017, I started to get sick all the time and being on antibiotics turned into my new normal. I remember being back at home in Czechia back then lying on my bed feeling so freaking confused and lost and not understood, feeling sick of pretending that on the outside everything is fine when it wasn’t.
My friends asking me, “How is it going with the van?” and saying “Yeah, it’s all good”, when it wasn’t.
It was reminding me of my childhood and what I was going through when I was growing up. Pretending to be this smiley happy bunny all the time even though inside I was screaming and wanted people to see so badly that I’m not okay.
I definitely could see a pattern appearing here for me.
I was lying on my bed knowing that I need help. I needed help so badly, but I decided to do it on my own.
I decided that I won’t go and see a therapist or any other professional and I made myself a promise that even though I’m a depressed mess I will never end up taking medication (this had a lot to do with books I read back in 2016).
Don’t get mistaken this wasn’t my breakthrough moment. It came few months later when we returned back to the UK.
In that point we were running 2 businesses or better to say, we were trying to make those 2 businesses work. My anxiety level was super high. I couldn’t even face any bills or just seeing emails coming into my inbox as I would be expecting just another unexpected payment.
I was suffering from suicidal thoughts pretty much on daily basis.
My breakthrough moment came after a week of literally going through every single day just wishing to not to be here anymore. Chest pain, tears, my heart beating so fast, sleepless nights. I remember staring in the mirror not being able to recognize myself “Who is that girl with puffy eyes?”.
I wanted to die. Period! And I’m not ashamed to admit that.
What has stopped me?
One day I received this message from a coach I followed for a while and she offered me a free discovery call. I said yes right away. I literally had nothing to lose.
She opened my eyes and she helped me to see things clearer. I cried through the whole conversation we had – there was so much that I needed to release and I will be forever grateful for her.
That was the day I started to fully focus on coaching and stopped doing social media for others as it always made me feel like I’m working for someone else anyway and I wasn’t enjoying it.
I took a course to become a certified coach. I was studying while serving coffees that Summer. I was learning while others were lying on the beach. I was building my coaching practice while going through a break-up, selling our mobile coffee van business, moving from UK back home to Czechia and having a zero on my bank account.
This is just when you know that you found your calling you just do things, you just make things happen.
I had my first client just after 3 months of becoming a coach.
It wasn’t all sunshine and roses from there. Let’s be real we don’t live in a Hollywood movie.
I still had a long way to go on my healing journey – working through my limiting beliefs, looking at the stories I was living and finding the roots of them, rewriting them, building a self-care routine that works for me, working on my relationship with money, with myself, owning my story…
I fell many times since then and I am super grateful for all these ups and downs as they truly helped me to get where I am today.
Anxiety still comes and goes, but it’s about learning to deal with it and not letting it to take over your life.
I’m finally in a place I wanted to be and I’m owning it, because I know I deserve the best as we all do in this world.
I really wanna share few tips with you that made all the difference for me on my own journey and I wish someone would tell me them back then.
1. Give yourself the freaking time
We hear this all the time “Nothing happens overnight”, but how many of us are actually allowing ourselves the time to make things happen?
We try something for a day or 2 and we see it’s not working – okay, let’s move on and try something different.
Just like you can’t expect your muscles to grow after 2 days in the gym, you can’t expect things to fall in a place in a few days.
2. Have ZERO expectations
Imagine, visualize what you desire and see yourself experiencing it. Feel into that moment but always look at the worst case scenario and have zero expectations.
Detached yourself from the outcome.
My favourite mantra “If not this something better”.
3. Consistency is the key
Something that took me the longest to apply in my own life and business.
Honestly, if it’s one thing you remember from this post this is it!
Whatever you do be consistent and don’t reflect way too often.
4. Be yourself
Look at the leaders in your industry. Look at those people that inspire you.
What does make you feel so intimidated about them? What are the traits they have that make you feel something inside you?
You don’t want to be them so stop the comparison right now.
Embody those traits!
5. Own your story – believe you deserve so much more
It took me a while to realize what coach I actually wanna be. What I am amazing at helping people with. It took me months to truly own my story.
This is when your confidence shifts to a completely new level. You don’t need more experience you need to realize what your strengths are and own what you’re good at!
I finished my tea by now and I’m sitting here reflecting back and feeling so grateful for the life I’ve got to live.
Whatever you do, whatever you’re going through it’s not your final destination.
Trust and have a faith – it’s all falling in a place!